That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
