I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
