At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
