Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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