hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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