She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
