My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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