I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
