We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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