Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
