i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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