toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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