i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
