Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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