My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Text me some of your sweat
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
