When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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