Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize