First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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