you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
