Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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