I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize