Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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