I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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