It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm bleeding and have questions
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
