Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
