do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
