I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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