Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
