and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
