Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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