What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
