There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
