I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Success! We fucked roommates!
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