and you said cock pushups were impossible
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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