i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
