i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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