that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
