Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
