I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
