My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize