Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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