can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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