He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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