You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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