I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
