I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
