'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
