At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
