Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You ate ashes out of my bong
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
