you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drunk is not a location!
You've changed since you got that strap on
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
