No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
