D3 body, D1 cock
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The Olympian is in my bed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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