Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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