Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
