K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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