I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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