Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
