i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
