I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
