Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
