hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
