I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
