Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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