Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
