Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
