Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
