Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
