we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
