"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
