literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
