I looked at my own cervix.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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