We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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