I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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