your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
