last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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