omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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