he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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