I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
