so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
