if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So much rum. So many feels.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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