she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
