Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
