Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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