Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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