Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
