im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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