I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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