i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told grandpa to call you daddy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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