do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
