omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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