From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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