I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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