On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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