Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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