where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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