i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
