Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize