flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
