so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
