The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
